Holy Thursday Encounter

Today is Sunday. And we've seen each other again last Thursday after barely a year. Seeing him again gives me goosebumps and yes, perhaps this is already abhorrence.

I wasn't ready to meet him just yet perhaps in the same sense that I wasn't ready to meet FM just yet. But with FM, even if there were hesitations, I will still be happy to see him around. His is a different story and I wasn't hurt the way I am hurting now.

I felt my bones were melting again. The same feeling that brought me here 9 months ago. My world crumbles again and this time, in front of the friend who crossed our paths.

I wanted to cry and slap him in the face but can I ever do it in front of his family? My knees were shaking. I can only throw him a dagger look.

He seemed happy. asking me how I was. What does he care. In the end, I was the only one loosing.
The tears have moved on and failed me too but I guess that's the one that keeps me stronger.

Lord, my heart right now is so full of bitterness. I wish to change and I don't know how. Today reminds us that You have died and lived again for our good. I thank You for counting me worthy of Your presence. My heart worships you oh God.

I trust that You have something better for me in the same way that Your thoughts saved me from despair.

03.31.13

Comments

Scandals & Realizations

I assumed that in telling this story I am inviting prejudice. I may ignite people to raise their brows and I may in turn find myself in recluse thereafter. Yet one big part of me is nagging to let all hell break loose. Some thoughts in my being wanted to scream for eventual freedom. So the story goes. History has a way of creeping vulgar and malicious habits to people. Religion for one is like a disease worming inside our system. Making men think they’re all omnipotent. Teaching young boys to desire arcane thoughts and mundane feelings. Placing men on the pedestal of power. Always to be regaled and respected. I grew up thinking these men are holier than they actually are and none among my elders ever made sacrilegious attempts to introduce these bunch of intelligent men, to who they really are in real life. Or perhaps even my elders - who instilled in us the value of going to Sunday masses and the evening traditions of saying the rosary- knew nothing of the naked faces behind those fla...

Finding Peace

Amidst all the noise and the haste, I have now found my peace. It sprung from something deep and the thought of knowing what best counts are the people who stays behind when you choose to shut all doors. Weary is the word that comes to mind, and I have chosen faith to do its course. Live one day at time. Enjoy. Savor each moment for each moment will come just once. Be thankful. Celebrate. Share and do your job well. Character, after all is who you are when no one is watching. Know that the world will conspire to test your mettle. People can't pull you down. It's a choice and the choice you're making will determine the disposition you have with the universe. Be humble. For it is in humbling yourself that inner peace will shine through.

What Travel Means

There's a quote I saw in one of the walkway tunnels in Hong Kong about traveling relating it to a book, and those who do not travel only read a page. Agh, books and travels, it's the ultimate dream for some. I've been to many places and yet still so many to see. To the cities, where lights and skyscrapers delighted my young heart. To the mountains where I trembled in thoughts of fairies and other-worldly creatures found only in the pages of my literary staples. To the wonders of the oceans and the hidden mystic of the lakes. Each brought euphoria similar to the sweet taste of a gourmet ice cream licked in a cold mountain-top. Still, I long to see more. To feel and hear more. That life isn't exactly how I wanted it to be but at least it gets me there. Where I've always wanted. Travelling gives me a kind understanding of nature and everything it entails. To understand not just the paradox of everyday living but of the lives lurking in every corner. These are...

Fruitloop Travels

Search This Blog